It's OK not to be OK

I’d be lying if I said I ever expected to be writing this down on my blog. However, I want to be 100% transparent when it comes to my mental health, because if listening to me talk (or type) about what goes on in my head, then I’m happy to know I’ve helped them.

It's Ok not to be Ok

In September time, my mental health started to decline. It continuously got worse, until it all came to the boil, last week. I wish I was joking, but it came to a point where I would cry daily. I didn’t want to leave my bed, and I even had to take a day off uni.

I was back feeling how I did when I was fourteen. I was suicidal again, having thoughts of self-injury and self-harm. Wanting to eat and eat, until I literally couldn’t eat anything else. I hadn’t taken my mental health medication in nearly a year (I know this was insanely stupid).

It got that bad, that I just started crying when I was driving. There was no reason, it just hit me. After that, I rang my new doctors. I’ve recently (not so recently) moved, and I hadn’t been to this doctor yet. When I rang, there were no appointments, once I heard this I started to cry again, and told the receptionist I needed to speak to someone as I was having thoughts of taking my own life.

Luckily, she did arrange for a doctor to ring me, and within an hour, she’d found a free slot that day to get me seen. So I went along to my appointment and spent most of it in tears. I’m not going to lie, typing this is also causing tears, but I know putting it down here will be better.

After this poor woman listening to me, I’ve been put back on my medication and I’m being sent back to psychotherapy, four years after I was discharged from it.

Why am I writing all of this? Because it is perfectly ok, to after any amount of time, to relapse. I hadn’t thought of self-harm for four years, I had no thoughts of suicide for nearly five, and now I’m back there again.

Does this make me weak? HELL NO!

Does needing to take a tablet to make myself “better” make me weak?! HELL TO THE NO!

What does it make me? PRETTY DAMN STRONG!

I am STRONG for seeking help. I am STRONG for talking about my feelings, instead of hiding them.

I wish this had happened weeks ago, but this all happened on Friday. I wanted to speak about this as soon as I could.  To me, talking about my struggles will help me overcome them. I will also be updating once I get into therapy again because there shouldn’t be a stigma around talking about this.

Today my main goal was to be open and honest about my mental health. I honestly believe putting it out there that I went back to get help again, will maybe encourage someone else who is slipping into old habits, to also seek help.

Not ready yet? Then please check out Lifeline or any mental health charity.

Remember – it really is OK to not be OK!

Love, Bronagh

Bronagh

I'm 22, living in Northern Ireland with my partner and our two guinea pigs; Fudge and Brownie. I'm also a Law student at Ulster University and love reading fantasy novels.

  • I know I don’t know you but I feel proud of you having read your post. It is often hard to see problems as they start to rise and getting help is always the right course of action. I really hope that you are feeling better soon, just keep going a minute, hour and day at a time.

    Try to be kind to yourself; have a cup of coffee, take a bath, whatever it takes to get through xx

    • Thank you so much for your lovely comment! At least with treatment, I can only get better. Don’t forget to take care of yourself as well 🙂 xox

  • Edel

    Don’t think you’re on your own today or any day. Just call me xx

  • Katie James

    Amazing reflections of mental health will dispel the stigma that prevents others from seeking help! You are such a strong woman! I’m so proud to know you and see in your photos that taking care of the self pays off!! We love you Bronagh!!!

  • Oh bless you. Thank you for sharing your story! It’s so important to talk about mental health. I’ve recently had to go back on medication and into therapy after being ‘normal’ for three ish years, so I know how you feel.